Scary stories

Michael Myers (Halloween) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So…since it’s so close to Halloween, I’ve been thinking about how we used to tell scary stories when I was a kid.  Seems like they were usually set in either a cemetery or on a dark deserted road.  You know…the boy and girl in the back seat of the car, getting a little hot and heavy, the windows all steamed up when suddenly…then take your pick…either the scary guy with a chain saw or an axe a)breaks through the windshield, b) saws through the roof, c) pops up outside the door window and whacks his way into the car…then of course, he kills the boy while the girl screams hysterically.  Yeah, maybe it seemed scary when we were kids…not so much now though, does it?

How about the girl (or girls) entering the dark house calling out for the boy she’s supposed to meet there.  Oh no!  Scary guy has already killed boy and his body is a) hanging from the shower head, throat cut, blood drip, drip, dripping in the tub, b) hanging on the back of a door, a knife run through his chest holding him to the door, c) down in the basement while his head is on the top shelf of the refrigerator just waiting for said girl to open the door and find it so she can scream hysterically.

Or girl and guy have been making out in a cemetery…argument ensues…boy drives off in a huff, wheels screeching, dust obscuring the car from view.  Girl sits in cemetery for a while, angry but certain boy will come back.  When she finally decides he’s a big jerk and isn’t going to come back for her, she a) starts making her way out of the cemetery, hears footsteps behind her, starts running while looking back over her shoulder, trips over a tombstone then screams hysterically while cowering on the ground waiting on scary guy to attack her, b) stumbles around cemetery trying to find her way out (I never said she was smart)…makes her way through the moss hanging from big scary tree only to have creepy, half-rotted hand pop up out of the ground to wrap itself around her ankle, girl falls down and screams hysterically, or c)  girl makes her way out of cemetery, walks back toward town along dark deserted road, sees boy’s car parked in middle of road waiting for her, she angrily walks up to passenger side door, jerks it open, sees boy sitting in driver’s seat , the tines of a big pitchfork run through his chest, girl screams hysterically.

I could never really relate to those girls…all that screaming gave me a headache, even when I was a teenager.  What’s with this waiting around for someone to attack you?  How about you find a weapon and pound the scary guy’s head in?  Yeah, okay…in the movies you can’t really kill those scary guys (Michael Myers comes to mind), but trying sure beats waiting around and screaming hysterically, don’tcha think?  Are you scared now?

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