Chaos creators

Chaos Is My Name


Reading my blogging pal’s (Amy) blog post today about cleaning house  triggered the idea for this post…so, thanks Amy!  You know we writers are always looking for something to write about.

There are people in our lives who create chaos…some people who do it wherever they go and others who are more selective, creating chaos in certain situations.  I’ve had people in my life who live for drama, some that I’ve worked with, some that I’ve lived with, some I’m related to, and some that I’ve called friends.  With co-workers, I’m not sure there’s a lot you can do to avoid them short of getting a new job.  What I’ve learned to do is to simply not interact with them in any way other than a professional manner…don’t take breaks with them, don’t socialize with them outside of work, don’t get caught in “water cooler discussions”.  I’ve worked with people who were so negative about everything and everyone, sometimes I didn’t realize the extent until they’d left the company.  So much for my awareness, huh?  Or maybe that’s an indication that my method works…

With friends…that’s where it gets tough.  You’ve often known these people for years, you love them like family.  But they just drag you down with the dramatic tragedy that consumes their lives.  When you talk with them, it’s all about them…all about their money problems, their family problems, their job problems, and so on and so on.  Now I’m not saying that there’s not going to be some ebb and flow in a friendship…there will be times when one friend is more needy than the other.  In those times, the other friend provides support, understanding, compassion, and sometimes help such as money or groceries or a car ride to the doctor.  That’s what friendship is.  But when one friend is constantly the taker to the point of not having a clue about what’s going on in the other friend’s life…well, that’s when it might be time to rethink the friendship.  You have to decide if you can continue in a friendship that is decidedly one sided…if you can, good for you.  If not, well…then you need to figure out what to do to make the situation work for you.

Ahh….and then there’s family.  Family…the people who are supposed to love you no matter what.  And the people who know, better than anyone else in the world, how to push your buttons.  Sad to say, but in dealing with some members of my family, I’ve learned that the best thing to do is never have a conversation about hot-button topics (you know the ones…religion, politics, social issues, money). I simply won’t do it.  I’ll walk away before I do it.  Does that make me a coward?  Or does it make me a person who doesn’t want to engage in heated discussions with people I love?  Why go looking for an argument?  Of course, that’s exactly what a chaos creator does…they want to start an argument, they want to score points, they want to tell you what’s wrong in how you’re living your life.

So, if you have someone in your life who causes your blood pressure to rise every time you’re around them, every time you talk to them, every time you read their Facebook posts…well, maybe it’s time to seek a little peace in your life…or not…it’s up to you.  As for me, I’m at a place in my life where I like peace over chaos…well, except for the times I’m the instigator…uh oh…maybe I have a little chaos creativity in me as well…

Routines, schedules…blah, blah, blah

I worked from home for two days... that was en...

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This is the final day of my mini vacation.  I always have mixed feelings about going back to work…I don’t hate my job…I actually usually like it.  But I really like being at home too.  I just don’t have an option…I have to have a job or I’ll be living in a tent in the woods.  There was a time in my life when I would have enjoyed that, but not so much any more.  I’m thinking  the cats wouldn’t be wild about that arrangement either!

Yes, they are both spoiled…they don’t really get along so this is a very unusual picture…looks like they’re friends…ha!

I intended to really work on improving my blog while I was off.  In some ways I did get a little done.  I’ve been reading a lot of blogs and joined some communities that are focused on blogging.  But I sure didn’t spend the time I could have working on it.  I wanted to work out a plan…a schedule of what to write about each day of the week…haven’t done that yet.  And the design…I really want to jazz it up, but I don’t feel like I know enough about that yet.  One of the communities I joined (SITS) will be having free online classes in April…I’ll definitely be there for those.  By reading the schedule of events, I know I’ll be able to get a lot out of these classes!

One of the things I know I need to do is find a real focus…losing weight?  fitness?  running?  frugal living?  some combination of all of those?  That’s how I’m leaning, but not sure how to achieve it…Different pages with different posts on various days of the week?  Then I read that a blogger should post more than once a day…seriously?  I haven’t even managed to get to the posting every day place. But maybe that’s where having a set routine about what I’m going to focus on each day would help.

I did manage to get a lot of housework done while I was off though…I mean major, move the furniture, clean the walls and carpet housework.  Rearranged the pantry…but didn’t get the closets cleaned out…darn!  And didn’t get my taxes done either…got to get that done soon.  It’s just not one of my favorite things to do (like it’s anyone’s favorite thing, right?).

So, back to work in the morning, trying to find time to  fit in the household chores that have to be done every day, exercise, communicating with friends and blogging.  I know these are the same issues everyone faces, so I know it can be done.  I just have to figure out how to go about accomplishing it in my life…I’ll get it done, for sure I will!

One step forward

Blogs on JoopeA

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I was so surprised to hear from so many people about my blog yesterday (although not a lot of people actually left comments on the blog itself…what’s up with that?).  Right after I published that blog, I felt like grabbing it back.  What was I thinking sharing my struggles with anyone who felt like stopping by and reading it?  By using the publicize feature connected with facebook, I was suddenly blogging very publicly rather than anonymously.  Very few of my friends and none of my family had read my blogs, so it felt safer to share anything and everything.  After all, I didn’t really know the people who read my blogs and they didn’t know me, so whatever I blogged about was kind of in the safe zone. 

I definitely stepped outside that zone yesterday and suppose I may as well continue down that road today.  I did get up at 4:30 this morning, got in a good workout and ate a healthy breakfast before getting ready for work.  Getting that workout in early made me feel good about myself…the first step back in the right direction.  I took my lunch and snacks to work.  I must admit though, I was tempted to buy a candy bar at work.  What?  Let me explain…my district manager called.  We had a conference call scheduled for this afternoon and he wanted me to give a little talk on the call. At the same time, he told me I’d be presenting three different discussions at a district meeting on March 1.   I’ve never been comfortable with public speaking.  When I was a kid, I was painfully shy.  I’m not that bad any more, but speaking in front of all the managers, the auditor and who knows who else still makes me nervous.  So…nervousness, for me, has often triggered emotional eating.  I knew that’s why those candy bars were calling my name today.  I’m pleased that I was able to ignore them, plan what I was going to say and move on with my day.

It’s strange.  I’m in retail management.  I know how to do my job.  I know I’m intelligent and capable.  I know I understand the policies and procedures of our company as well as the other managers do.  But I still feel hesitant about being the center of attention at that upcoming district meeting.  Because I’ve gained weight?  Yeah, I’m pretty sure that has something to do with it.  I know people who haven’t seen me since the last meeting will notice how much weight I’ve gained.  But wait!  So what?  Why do I care about what they think?  I’m who I am regardless of my weight.  I remember my step sister once told me that my weight didn’t have any bearing on how they (the family) felt about me.  That was the first time I’d thought of it like that.  I’d always assumed that my family and friends “liked” me more when I was thin, that they were embarrassed to be around me when I was heavier.  That doesn’t say a lot for how I thought about them, does it? 

I think I’m going to have to do a lot of soul searching on this journey, challenge my beliefs, question my thoughts and feelings.  It already feels uncomfortable, but I know the discomfort won’t kill me.  Facing my emotions won’t destroy me.  This may not be the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but it just might end up being one of the best things I’ve done for myself.  I’ll continue putting one foot in front of the other and picking myself up when I fall.  I know I can do this…wish me luck and pass along the occasional word of encouragement, okay?