RA sucks

If you have RA, you already know how much it sucks.  If you don’t have it, or some other condition in which you experience chronic pain (and don’t know someone who does), well…then you really have no idea.  I had the weekend off work.  And, of course, I had all these plans about what I was going to do with my free time.  We all know what they say about the best laid plans, right?

I spent the weekend in some of the worst pain I’ve experienced.  My left ankle froze up….I couldn’t bend it at all and it was pretty darn painful to put any weight on it.  That kind of threw a big monkey wrench in the weekend plans.  I just sat around most of the time.  Well, that and took naps.  Of course, I couldn’t really sleep because anything touching various parts of my body caused some pretty intense pain.  That makes a gravity-free chamber sound like a worthwhile investment…I’m just afraid something like that would probably wipe out my life’s savings and I might just need that money down the road for silly little things like, oh I don’t know, medicine?

I woke up this morning before the alarm went off.  I think the sounds I made when I tried to roll over scared at least one life out of the cats.  They both sat up and stared at me, wondering what language I was speaking and what it meant.  When I finally was able to struggle to the side of the bed, I tried to stand.  I’m thankful I never put full-length mirrors in my bedroom.  I’m pretty sure I was hunched over like a 90-year-old woman.  After hobbling around for a couple of minutes, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere today.  So I made the dreaded call in to work.  Fortunately, there were no threats telling me I better get in there or else.  Seriously, I’m lucky to have a great boss.  He’s understanding…or at least as understanding as someone who knows very little about RA can be.

After placing the call, I used the furniture and walls to support myself as I made my way to the bathroom.  I thought about going downstairs, but gave that thought up and climbed back into bed.  I couldn’t really go back to sleep, but Spooky snuggled up next to me, emitting her warm, healing cat vibes.  Amazing how much it helps to have a pet right there with you when you don’t feel well, isn’t it?

I finally struggled back to the bathroom and took a hot shower.  I really wanted to soak in the tub, but I was afraid I would have to crawl out of it today and that didn’t sound all that appealing to me.  I did finally get dressed…well, sort of…if you consider putting on a clean pair of pajamas getting dressed.  I think that’s as close to getting dressed as I’ll get today.

I made my way downstairs and fed the cats.  I looked at the juicer sitting there on the counter but couldn’t dig up enough energy to make some fresh juice.  I did have tea in the fridge that I’d prepared the night before for work.  What the heck, it’s wet.  It works just fine to wash down that handful of pills I take every morning.  And who knows?  Maybe I’ll feel like making some juice later on…it’ll taste just as good later in the day.

When I sat down at my computer, I started reading and replying to the posts of some of my favorite blogs.  That’s when it hit me.  I still have a week and a half before I see the rheumatologist.  I have no idea what to expect.  I do know this first visit won’t be that magic cure we’re all hoping for.  I think, in the back of my mind, I’ve been telling myself that once I see the rheumy, everything will be better.  I’ve read enough of other people’s experiences to know that that’s not likely to be the case.  So I’ve just got to suck it up and accept that this is apt to be a bumpy road. Guess I’d better look around and see if I can find a soft cushion to help me tolerate those big, bad bumps in the road, huh?

 

 

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14 Responses

  1. Hang in there! You don’t know that they won’t be able to help. They might very well have plenty that will make you feel better. I know waiting sucks ass. And I understand about the money–I had to cancel x-rays and PT for my shoulder impingement because I haven’t met my deductible and I just can’t take on another bill right now. 😛

    You can always call and see if anyone has canceled–maybe they can move your appointment up. **virtual hugs**

    • You’re right, you’re right…sometimes I think I’d be better off not trying to learn all I can about it before I see the specialist. A lot of what I read is doom and gloom…somebody said that’s because the people who have been helped are out living their lives while the folks who are feeling so terrible are stuck at home on facebook 🙂

  2. I hate liking this. I have the same. And right now BOTH my Ankes are swollen. Have you seen this and the Video, please watch. It may help you..
    http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/chronic-pain-syndrome-explained/
    The video s down the bottom.
    I feel since the 6 months I have been on here sharing stories and remedies with others has helped me greatly an my Partner also.
    I am 15 years in and in my late 30’s, I developed this in my early 20’s through too much aggressive sport and injuries, The invisible disability can leave our body, so we live, pray and hope… x

    And the longer you have this, it gets easier. Honest.
    I have it 10/10, AWFUL…We do learn to live with pain..

    Any help at all, PLEASE ask..And I hope I can ask you x

    Shaun x

    • Aww…thanks, Shaun…you’re a sweetie! And it really does help to be able to talk with people who understand. A lot of folks just kind of roll their eyes and say things like, “Yeah, my knee bothers me sometimes…” And I know comments like that aren’t usually because people don’t care, they just don’t understand…and they really don’t know what to say.

      You bet you can count on me, anytime…now get that leg propped up, pronto!

  3. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rough day, but know Nurse Spooky did her best to tend to your needs. New treatments are being found all the time, I’m believing for good things for you.

    • Spook makes a pretty good nurse…she can even draw blood 😉

      • Laughing, but that might not be a good thing. Are you feeling better today?

      • Laughter truly is the best medicine…well, most of the time. I think I’m feeling a bit better than I did a couple of days ago. I did go to work today, so that has to count for something. One of my co-workers told me I looked awful 😦 How’s that for some positive reinforcement?

  4. Hey Patti,
    My dog woke me up at 2 AM and now I can’t get back to sleep, so here I am reading your blog in the middle of the night. When I can’t sleep I often go negative (where is my life going and such stuff), which is where I was going tonight. Then I read this post on your blog and I realized how silly it is for me to complain. I have so much to be thankful for. I can’t imagine suffering the way you do. I know you have a new doctor now and I so hope that she can help you. I feel for you girl. Celeste 🙂

  5. Isn’t insomnia the worst? I do the same thing when I wake up and can’t go back to sleep…start thinking of everything that’s wrong…but I’ve learned to remind myself that everything will seem better in the morning. The amazing thing is, it usually does.

    When I was having x rays taken the other day, I told the tech I hate for people to see my feet, that’s how deformed they are. She told me she’d seen just about everything and reminded me that I still have feet that function pretty well, even if it is with pain. And she’s right…

    I hope you have a fantastic weekend!!

    • Thanks for your thoughtful comment! You were right, everything was better in the morning (especially since it was a beautiful, sunny day yesterday!). Like you say, your X ray tech is right, but it’s still easy not to appreciate what we have. You’ve got a lot of courage and positivity for all that you’re dealing with – that’s an inspiration!! Celeste 🙂

      • Now you put a smile on my face today…thanks for your kind words. You’re right, it’s very easy to focus on what’s wrong in our lives. I worry about how long I’ll be able to work (I live alone and really don’t have anyone close by that I can ask for help), and how I’ll manage if I have to stop working. But then I remind myself that I’m just borrowing trouble…it may never come to that. This new doctor may be able to figure out a treatment plan that will “fix me up”…keeping my fingers crossed on that anyhow!

    • I don’t know much at all about RA, but from what you’ve shared I’d agree that it sucks! And it doesn’t make things any easier that you live alone and don’t have much support. That’s tough! I really hope your new doctor can help you out with this. I do think you’re handling things well. What you’re dealing with would be tough for anyone, and you’re managing. I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend! Celeste 🙂

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