Trying to hold depression at bay

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve battled depression.  And I’m trying to avoid that pit now.  We’ve had a lot of changes at work…and change is always difficult for just about everyone…I do understand that it takes time to acclimate, to settle into new routines…I’m aware of all of this, but I still find myself not being happy at work.  And that’s pretty sad because I’ve always loved my job and all of the people (okay, most of the people) that I work with.  I’m giving myself time to get used to all of the changes and see if I can adapt.  I don’t want to give up a job that I’ve always enjoyed just because I didn’t allow myself sufficient time to come to terms with the changes that have been instituted.

But I find myself on the verge of tears just about every day…and that’s just not me.  I like to kid around, have a good time while working hard.  I’ve always been loyal to the company and thankful that I had a job doing interesting things, different things, every day.  Hopefully I can get past this and get back to my cheerful, fun-loving self soon…

I guess the question I may eventually have to ask myself is, “Is this enough for me?”  If I can’t find my way to happiness with this new set-up, do I continue working there so I can draw a paycheck while devoting more time to my writing?  Or do I dare to do something altogether different?  Life is very rarely static, is it?

pansies make me smile

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15 Responses

  1. Depression like real depression or do you mean like a bummer? If it’s a bummer deal, I’ll say don’t be so hard on yourself. You write on your blog every day so you’re writing. You seem like a dedicated person, to me, so if your desire is to write more, then I’m fully confident you will.

    Haha pansies make me smile. I like to go to the gardening store and yell at them, “What are you a bunch of pansies!” People always look at me strangely when I do that.

  2. nah…I mean like real depression…I’ve not had a good week at work…at all…but this was the first week of all of the changes, so I know I need time to get used to everything…but the crying every day thing…sheesh…so not me…I do write on my blog just about every day, thinking about getting back to my book too…

    haha…I think I’ll do that with the pansies next spring…I did stop and buy some tomato and pepper plants after work tonight…gonna dig in the dirt a little tomorrow…well, if the rain stops~

  3. I know how hard that situation can be. (((hugs))) to you.

    I’ve battled depression for many years and in the past few years I had to face the same thing you are facing now. I loved my job, I loved the retailer I worked for, I loved (most of) the people I worked with. But for my own mental health I had to leave. After certain changes were made, I was going home in tears every day, I dreaded going to work, and I started suffering debilitating migraines on an almost daily basis. I waited it out for more than 2 years hoping that things would improve but instead they just got worse.

    Last September I put in a spur of the moment application for a credit card company just 3 miles from my house and was tested, interviewed twice, and then hired, all within 4 days. I was tremendously sad to leave the people that I had worked with for almost 10 years, but I stay in contact with those that meant the most and now I’ve got a whole new crop of peeps at my new job, which I absolutely LOVE btw. It gives me a better work/life balance than my previous job and I’m a lot happier.

    I still battle depression; getting out of bed in the morning is still the hardest thing I do every day, but overall, life is smoother, happier, and a lot less stressful. I wish you the best of luck!

  4. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with depression, Patti. A previous email stated you feared for your job, but thankfully, it doesn’t sound like that happened. Praying you’ll find peace and direction, and hoping the rain stops long enough for you to play in the dirt. 🙂

    • I’m battling it, Patti…don’t want to let it win…oh no, I have a job with the same company, just not the same job…and who knows what the future will hold? I’m hoping this is all just normal adaptation to change anxieties…thanks for your prayers, much appreciated!

  5. Keep your head up! I know the feeling, especially when things were really bad at home.

    It always does get better!

    • Thanks, I know you know what I’m talking about…and you’re right…it does get better…I just keep telling myself, “this, too, shall pass.” And it always does…I appreciate your kind words, kid.

      • Keep your chin up! Really! =D

        As for my kind words, “What man is a man who does not make the world better?”

        Keep looking up!

    • Do you know how much I’ve missed “talking” with you? Did you manage to get started with your college career?

      • I’d say so. 😛

        Joined campus newspaper, will be assistant editor in chief and senior news editor second semester in. 😀

        I’ll finish this semester with a 3.5 GPA by working my ass off haha.

        I’m done my last final on Thursday and I’m home on Saturday.

        I’m spending the summer in England with all my friends there and someone who’s a bit MORE than a friend… ;D

        So I’d say yes, I threw myself into college. haha

      • I’ve honestly missed talking with you all too though!

      • I’m so happy for you!! And you sound truly happy as well!! And…I’m extremely proud of you…great job with the GPA, the campus newspaper gig is going to be so much fun for you (and a lot of work)…and then England for the summer?? And with someone who is a bit more than a friend…wooooo…enjoy every minute of it!!

  6. Depression can be very hard and debilitating. If you find yourself seriously depressed where it is hard to function, talk to your doctor. You may need something to help you through a difficult time. Hopefully you are just having a short period of depression rather than chronic depression. I have dealt with it for years. Hugs to you and hopefully change will be positive eventually.

    • I went thru a major depressive episode several years ago…and used medication to help me deal with it. I’m assuming this is more of a situational depression which will, hopefully, be short lived…thanks so much for your support.

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