After thinking about how I sometimes get down on myself, think and speak negatively to myself, it occurred to me that I still have some self-esteem issues to work on. Probably most people have some issues with self-esteem at various times in their lives. I know I’m better in that regard than I was in the past, but sometimes that little voice is still there whispering in my ear, “You’re not as good as____”, “You’ll never accomplish____”, or whatever else that the little devil on my shoulder decides to say to me.
What causes this? For me, I think it goes back to my father not being there for me. He wasn’t there for me in any way that mattered. He wasn’t there physically and he wasn’t there for me emotionally. The few times I did see him after the divorce, he never failed to comment on my weight. And his comments were always negative, of course. I eventually came to the conclusion (as only kids can do) that he wasn’t there for me because I was fat. That makes me sad for the little girl that I was. No kid should have to feel like that, ever.
I allowed that to affect me for way too many years. After I finally realized that I didn’t cause him to behave the way he did, it was a long time before that really sunk in, a long time before I finally accepted that he didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He didn’t love me unconditionally. Unconditional love is something that every child should be able to expect from their parents. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents who are incapable of providing it. And the children suffer because of the inadequacies of their parents. Sad, but true.
Now that I’m in a place where I understand all of that, I guess the next step is giving myself that unconditional love. I’m working on it, but it’s not something that comes easily. Ahh…it’s so true that the things that matter most in life are often the things we must work the hardest to achieve.
- Do you suffer from low self esteem? People Skills (peopleskillsblog.wordpress.com)
- Self – Esteem Issues & Weight Loss (drkaylosesweight.wordpress.com)