The long and winding road to fitness, day 56

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This has not been one of my best days…not even close.  I found out yesterday that I’m going to have to end my vacation a day early…and I’ve been feeling down since I got the news…silly, I know…but I really value my days off and losing one that I was counting on is kind of depressing to me…and,  when I’m feeling down what do I do?  Why turn to food, of course.  I won’t bore you with what I’ve eaten today, but suffice it to say, it was way more than I needed, and most of it was less than healthy. 

What could I have done instead of use food to make me feel better?  Hmm…I could have turned on some music and danced around my kitchen.  I could have put my shoes on and headed out the front door for a long walk, camera in hand.  I could have sat down here and written a few blogs to be posted later.  I could have worked on my book.  I could have called a friend and gone out and done something fun (problem with that is it usually involves food).  I could have gathered Spooky up and taken a nap.  I could have tackled another house cleaning project.  I could have hopped on the exercise bike and read a magazine while pedaling away.  I could have sat out back watching the birds and trying to get some pictures of them.  I could have figured out how the video on my camera works and posted something to YouTube. 

Yes, the list goes on and on.  But I didn’t do any of those things.  Instead I turned to the old standby…food.  And for something so silly.  I could have easily said “no” when my boss asked me to come in tomorrow, but I didn’t.  So, what?  I’m now punishing myself for agreeing to do something that I didn’t really want to do?  Just grow up and get over it.  Either stand up and say “no” or cheerfully follow through with it if you say “yes”.  There’s no reason to try to deal with it by eating junk…that never successfully dealt with anything except hunger.  I know this, I understand this, I accept this…so why behave in a way that goes against what I know to be true?

It’s difficult to overcome a lifetime of using food to deal with emotions.  I guess it’s a tiny baby step that I recognize what I’m doing and why I’m doing it…but boy, do I need to find a way to take a few more steps beyond this realization.  And it’s up to me to do it.  No one can do it for me.  I have to do it for myself.

Related articles

• Food Addiction – Making it Through the Weekend (badfoodbrokenbody.wordpress.com)
• Coming Clean about Food Addiction (incredibleshrinkinggirl.com)